True Beauty Devotion

This is a quick devotion I put together for my daughters and I to do over breakfast that I adapted from a chapter in the book "Five Conversations You Must Have With Your Daughter" by Vicki Courtney.

1. What does it mean to be beautiful? or What does the world say is beautiful? (I usually ask my youngest first and move up to the oldest.)
2. Read 1 Timothy 4:8
3. What is God's attitude toward physical exercise? Toward godliness?
4. What can we do to be spiritually "healthy"?
5. Which is more important to you, physical health or spiritual health? Why?
6. Talk about exercise for health benefits, staying fit in order to have energy and good health to serve your family and your God!
7. Read 1 Samuel 16:6-7
8. What did God tell Samuel not to look at?
9. By what standard does God judge beauty?
10. Talk about the things we do to make our outer self beautiful vs. the things we do to make our inner selves beautiful.
11. Which do we spend more time on? Why?
12. Read Psalm 139:14
13. Watch Dove Evolution You Tube video and discuss the images the media show us and how they are altered. http://youtu.be/iYhCn0jf46U

Behind, Beside, and Beyond

"It was with good reason God said let the older women teach the younger (Titus 2).

Trial and error is not the best teacher when it comes to marriage and motherhood!"

- Debi Pearl

I agree! I have several "mentor moms" who I call on for wisdom and advice on a fairly regular basis. Women who are ahead of me in this adventure of motherhood. Women whose children are bearing fruit. Women who are like-minded.

I heard it said once that we all need someone who is younger who we are helping along, someone who is ahead of us who helps us, and someone to walk beside us who is in a similar season of life. I think most women are fine in the "alongside" department, but lacking in the other two. Let's not re-invent the wheel, so to speak! Let's learn from each other and avoid some common pitfalls.

Some women ask "how do I find a mentor?" Look around you and find a mom a few steps ahead who is like-minded and is on the road you want to travel and ASK HER! Invite her over for coffee or a lunch date out and pick her brain. Ask if she would be willing to answer some questions for you regarding being a godly wife and mom. I bet she'd be blessed to do it! You may have to meet with a few different ladies before you find a really comfy fit, but it will be worth it! It doesn't have to be anything formal, just a friend you can call on in times of need (and we all have them!)

On the flip-side--are you open to helping someone else? All of us are older than someone! Are you willing to share the wisdom you have gathered thus far?

A free invitation card by Smilebox

We are super excited because all 3 girls will be singing in the choir for this performance and Morgan even has a speaking part!! This is her first time to participate in a play so we are looking forward to seeing how things turn out!!

Our 2011 Ten Day Prayer Kickoff!

I found a short article in a magazine that listed ten different prayer "postures" found in the Bible and we (my 11 year old daughter and I) are going to use it to kick off the new year in prayer!

January 1, 2011 Kneeling 1 Kings 8:54

January 2, 2011 Standing Jeremiah 18:20

January 3, 2011 Sitting 2 Samuel 7:18

January 4, 2011 In Bed Psalm 63:6

January 5, 2011 In Private Matthew 6:6

January 6, 2011 With Others Psalm 35:18

January 7, 2011 Hands Lifted 1 Timothy 2:8

January 8, 2011 Silently 1 Samuel 1:13

January 9, 2011 Aloud Acts 16:25

January 10, 2011 At All Times Luke 18:1

The more we learn about prayer, the more we will think about prayer, the more we will think about our Savior and talk with Him and the better we will know Him and love Him. I want to begin the year pointed at Him in prayer!

We will be recording this in our prayer journals so we can discuss what we are learning. Here is the format (just to give my daughter something to follow):

• Date
• Scripture written out
• Two things I prayed about
• My thoughts (3+ sentences)

Puppies and Toddlers

Maybe you've never noticed how much puppies and toddlers have in common? I think of it often as I parent my 4th toddler. Let's look at some of the similarities...

1. Both respond to simple, clear commands along with tone and facial expression.

When an owner speaks to his pet his language is simple and straightforward. He doesn't speak in long, monotonous speeches because he knows the limitations of the one he speaks to. He is short and to the point - "sit", "come", "lay down". The owner doesn't spend time explaining why or apologizing for asking because he views himself as "in charge" and expects obedience from his pet. The pet is able to "read" the owners mood by his tone and facial expression. He knows if it is play time or time to relax. The same is true of toddlers. They respond best to simple language like "no touch", "come to Mommy", "sit down", "kiss", and they are able to read our mood too. The Bible says

James 5:12 But above all, my brothers, do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or by any other oath, but let your "yes" be yes and your "no" be no, so that you may not fall under condemnation.

This is an important principle and one I am reminded of almost daily as I parent. We must say what we mean and mean what we say. Remember the KISS idea? Keep It Simple Stupid. What a great parenting mantra! There's really no need to do a full explanation of why I said "no" when you touched the ornaments on the Christmas tree, your just not allowed to touch them-period-cause I'm the Mom. :) I observe a lot of parents doing a lot of "discussing/explaining/lecturing" with toddlers and find it amusing when a simple "no" will work so much better.

2. Both require clear, consistent boundaries.

When you bring home a new puppy many of the training books will warn you not to let the puppy chew on household items like old socks. The reason is because they do not know the difference between "old socks" and your brand new socks! Then your mad because Fido has eaten every sock in the house! We have found the same principle to be true when training toddlers. All remote controls are off limits, all cell phones are "no-no", no papers, newspapers or books are allowed to be torn or crumpled because we know that little sweet-pea doesn't know the difference between a magazine we've already read and don't care about and the one that is important for Daddy's work. We know that although we may not mind if Jr. tears up our remote, that we may come over to your house and you won't ever invite us back when he tears up yours! The great thing about toddlers and puppies is that these things can be taught in just a few days with clear, consistent boundaries!

3. Both respond to positive feedback.

Puppies and toddlers both really enjoy pleasing their Mom and Dad! Again, they read our tone and facial expression and they know when we are happy and excited. We are teaching Evan to blow kisses right now and every time he does we all erupt in clapping, cheers and laughter! He knows that this is for him, that he did the right thing and he joins in the celebration. It won't take too many training sessions like that to teach him to blow kisses!

4. Both are smart and capable.

Our friends have laughed at us for a long time because each of our children have been trained to stay on the large area rug we have in our family room. From the time they become mobile we have said "stay on the rug" and picked them up and put them back on the rug until they learned that this was their play area. This is great for safety. I know what is within their reach while they are on the rug. There are no small pieces or parts, and they can't fall up or down stairs as long as they remain on the rug. We don't have to search the house to find them if we walk in to answer the phone. I know where they are and that they are safe. When my son began to walk recently many people have commented "I bet your chasing him all over!", I just smile and say "no, it's not that bad." Another benefit to this training is when we are away from home. My in-laws also have an area rug in their family room and our son stays right there in the room with us without wandering off into other parts of the house (into the dogs dishes...etc.). Many people are shocked when they discover this "skill" in our 15 month old which makes me laugh--do we really believe that we can train our dogs and not our children?? Our children are much smarter and more capable than our pets!!

5. Both desire security and leadership.

Toddlers and puppies are happier and more secure when they have discipline, boundaries, and strong leadership. They want to know that we know what we are doing and are confident in our decisions. When we are sure, they feel sure. When we wishy-wash around with a hundred words in an un-clear tone they don't know what to do. When we yell about something today and ignore it tomorrow they are confused and insecure. When we live by a flexible schedule and the rules stay the same, when our moods are predictable and stable, they are relaxed and happy. I had a boss once who said the number one quality he looked for in an employee was stability. He didn't want to deal with any Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde types where your not sure who your going to get today. Predictability was key to him. I think he had a good point.

I Understand Deception

I know a young woman with small children in the midst of a divorce right now. She is leaving her faithful, hard-working, honest, good-looking, kind, wonderful father, husband for another man after having a long-term affair with him. Her children are hurt and confused, her husband is destroyed, her parents are devastated, his parents are crushed, and their friends are shocked. This is a woman raised in a Christian home with happily married parents. She met her new boyfriend in the church choir.

Deceive = to cause to accept as true or valid what is false or invalid, to give a false impression.

When I heard about the situation my first thought was "so this is deception". How else can you explain a woman who is happy in her marriage one day and out "dating" another man the next? This is deception as plain as the serpent in the garden. In the same way the enemy caused Eve to believe she would be "happier" and MORE fulfilled if she ate the ONE fruit she couldn't eat, he caused this young woman to believe that somehow the grass would be greener in this other mans' arms. Eve never considered the consequences of her actions in her own life, or those generations to follow and I'm sure this woman hasn't either. That is one of the enemies specialties...to focus all our attention on the object of desire and leave no time or thought to it's ramifications. Let us never forget that the devils' intention is to STEAL, KILL, and DESTROY. What is more destructive in this world than divorce?

Deceive = to lead astray, imposing a false idea or belief that causes ignorance, bewilderment, or helplessness

Watching this situation progress to divorce has been painful for all involved. Many friends and family have tried to talk with this woman and reveal the consequences of her actions but to no avail. Too many times these situations remain hidden until the deception is so thick that it is nearly impossible to recover the victim. Too many times we, as onlookers, make excuses, rationalize the situation, or ignore it saying "that's none of my business" (which is another deception!). This is as dangerous as a burning building and we must be willing to rescue!

Deceive = to obscure the truth

If you are a follower of Christ and you know the TRUTH, don't keep it to yourself! I think we need to learn the art of "speaking the truth in love" (Ephesians 4:15). The Bible says the TRUTH will set us free. Sometimes that TRUTH is a good, happy message, like the gospel. But other times that TRUTH is hard, painful, and awkward to deliver, and yet it is still the key to freedom.

I have a friend who started a new job and has found herself in the middle of a potential adulteress situation between her boss and a new-hire (both married). There is quite a bit of flirting going on and it is uncomfortable for all the employees. I advised my friend to talk with the female from a point of view of concern. We have all been "blinded" in a situation in our lives where those on the "outside" could see things much more clearly than we could. Right now is the time to "nip this thing in the bud" but who can do that? My friend says "I don't have that kind of relationship with her!" Yes but the only people who DO have that kind of relationship with her will not know about this situation until it is much too late!! God placed YOU there at this time to speak the truth to her in love. She may not respond well to it. She may continue in the relationship. At least the truth has been spoken to her, an attempt to snap her out of the deceptive "trance".

Matthew 24:4

Jesus answered: “Watch out that no one deceives you."

This story and others like it should serve as a warning to all of us that deception is real, effective, and we all are at risk. What kind of safeguards do you have in place to guard against this in your marriage? What boundaries will you implement today? Do you have an accountability partner who can ask you about these? Remember, the first deception is when we think "that would never happen to me".

James 1:22
Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.

One of the ways we guard against deception is by filling up on TRUTH daily in God's Word. Knowing the TRUTH is the greatest defense against the devils' schemes. Not just "knowing" Bible facts as though we want to win a prize on a quiz show, but KNOWING the ONE who is the Way and the TRUTH and the LIFE and doing what He says in obedience and out of love for Him.

We've Never Prayed For Our Breakfast

^{Phillipians 4:19}

And my God will meet all your needs

according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.

I read a book to the kids recently called "Granny Han's Breakfast". It was the story of a missionary lady in Taiwan who literally had no food in her cupboards for breakfast one morning. The young girl who helped her around the house asked her what she was going to do. Granny Han said she would pray and ask God to meet her need. This girl was not a believer and thought she was foolish for considering this a reasonable plan of action. Over the next hour she saw God meet Granny Han's need as friends and neighbors stopped by "out of the blue" with fruit, coffee, and other treats. Granny Han rejoiced as her young friend watched in disbelief.

Have you ever prayed for your breakfast? Lunch? Dinner? Neither have I. The girls and I discussed how Granny's faith must have been enriched by this experience. How she must have felt so loved and cared for by her Father God. How seeing this must have impacted her house guest. It's almost sad that we haven't had such an experience.

What kinds of needs do we have and how do we meet them? This morning my skin felt dry, I went to the bathroom cabinet and got my lotion and took care of it. If I hadn't had any lotion in the cabinet I would have hopped in the van and driven to CVS and bought some. When I am hungry I get in my pantry, or stop by the grocery, or even go to a restaurant...I don't even have to go in!! I can drive-thru a window and pick something up! If I am in pain, I call the Doctor and he will write me a prescription. If someone is looking for love, they can get on an internet dating sight or go to a club. If we need spiritual advice, we can call a pastor, or attend one of a thousand churches on every corner of this city! We barely look to God even in spiritual matters any more!! We, as a society, have done (and continue to do) our best to meet every single need we have on our own. We have squeezed God out of our lives. Only in desperate circumstances (those we don't think we can control on our own) do we call on Him anymore. Jesus said He would never leave us and never forsake us--but have we left and forsaken Him?

What do we miss in living this way? The opportunity to see His love and personal care for us. The chance for our faith to be built and strengthened. The occasion to bring glory to His Name and His Kingdom. The truth is that most of us spend an awful lot of time daydreaming (or complaining) about how our lives should/could be easier when the reality is that they are already TOO EASY and that is a big chunk of our problem!

God brought this to my attention back in July when our family went on vacation. We stayed in a wonderful place on the beach with a pool and room service and had a great time. Guess what? I hardly opened my Bible and spent almost zippo time in prayer. Why? Good question since the excuse I would use at home would be "time" or lack of. I had nothing but time on vacation; and even some time alone when I would go upstairs for Evan to take his nap. But all was well. Everything was running smooth. Everyone was healthy and happy and all our needs were met. This was an eye-opening experience for me.

I love the song "In Christ Alone" that says:

In Christ alone I place my trust

and find my glory in the power of the cross

in every victory let it be said of me

my source of strength, my source of hope

is Christ alone.

Let us also never forget that our greatest need in this life is to be rescued from the judgment we deserve for our rebellion against the One, True, Living God. And that need can only be met by one, our Savior Jesus Christ. So no matter how self-sufficient we may feel, it is only an illusion when we get to the core of what really matters which is "where will you spend eternity?".

My Workplace

So I'm reading Charlotte's Web to the girls as part of Paige's first grade curriculum, and it is really good! I had forgotten, since I was probably her age the last time I read it and I haven't seen the updated movie.

In Chapter 9 Charlotte (the wise spider) is explaining to Wilbur (the young, naive pig) why he can't spin a web like she does. She tells him this is a talent unique to spiders and that even men cannot build a web, though they will try. Charlotte tells him about a bridge that men have built that is similar to a spiders web.

Wilbur: "What do people catch in the Queensborough Bridge--bugs?"

Charlotte: "No, they don't catch anything. They just keep trotting back and forth across the bridge thinking there is something better on the other side. If they'd hang head-down at the top of the thing and wait quietly, maybe something good would come along. But no--with men it's rush, rush, rush, every minute. I'm glad I'm a sedentary spider."

Wilbur: "What does sedentary mean?"

Charlotte: "Means I sit still a good part of the time and don't go wandering all over creation. I know a good thing when I see it, and my web is a good thing. I stay put and wait for what comes. Gives me a chance to think."

I know my girls think I am nuts when, in the middle of the story, I have to run to find a highlighter, a bookmark, a post-it--something to mark this AWESOME epiphany moment!! But this conversation between Charlotte and Wilbur fit so beautifully with the previous blog about "My Job"!

These statements are so simple and yet so accurate in todays society.

• We DO trot back and forth always thinking there is something better that we are missing out on!
• We rarely "hang" and wait quietly to see what the Lord would say or bring our way.
• We are rushing constantly which causes us to be short-tempered and stressed out!
• We DO wander all over creation seeking fulfillment, praise, significance.
• We DON'T know a good thing when we see it!

Charlotte's web is her home and she sees it as a "good thing" and she "stays put". My home is my workplace and God has called me to make it a haven for my family. A place where we can relax, learn, have fun, eat together, and show hospitality to others. I need not go elsewhere to find meaning, there is meaning at home where I love my family, teach, train, correct, cook, clean, raise my children to know Jesus, love my husband, and visit with friends.

I think I'm going to adopts Charlotte's philosophy on life--"never hurry and never worry!" If you are not "catching anything" then maybe you should take some time to be sedentary like Psalm 46:10.

The things that stick.

When we sat down to dinner tonight Rusty began to tell about a famous coach, John Wooden, who died on Friday at the age of 99. He told the girls "I hope you have a marriage like the one I heard about today". John Wooden was married to his sweetheart Nell for 53 years. She was the only girl he ever kissed. She died 24 years ago on the 21st of March. Since then, every month on the 21st he has written her a love letter. Rusty told the girls that Wooden said he never considered marrying again because he could never love anyone the way he loved Nell.http://espn.go.com/video/clip?id=5249532

We talked about faithfulness--what does it mean to be faithful? Why does God want us to be faithful? We explained how the Lord Jesus is faithful, that once we ask Him to be our Lord and Savior that He remains faithful to us to the end. He doesn't change His mind. He doesn't fall in and out of love with us like the old game "He loves me, He loves me not" based on our behavior or performance. He makes a commitment to us, adopts us into His family, and remains committed for all eternity. God wants us to be faithful because He is faithful and He wants us to be like Him.

With tears in his eyes my husband shared with the girls Wooden's final wish was that someone would shave him so he would look nice when he saw Nell. I truly believe this is one of those family moments that will stick in my daughters minds for all time. I believe as they consider a spouse they will recall the conversation their dad had with them on June 8, 2010 and attempt to discern if this man is one who will be faithful to the end.

"Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are," John Wooden

"Clean your room!" and other misunderstood instructions

Recently a mother was visiting our house when I asked my 3 daughters to go upstairs and fold a load of laundry. After they left the room she commented "I wish my kids would help out around the house!" She went on to say that when she told her son to "clean his room" she would find him 20 minutes later in his room playing. The best outcome she could expect was for him to pick up the floor and stuff all the items under the bed, in the closet, or in drawers with no order whatsoever.

Here's what I have learned about this dilemma:

1. Kids do not understand broad concepts like "clean your room" (especially kids under 7). They do understand specific instructions like "put the Barbies in the blue bin". Another broad instruction mothers love to give their kids is "be good". Really? What does that look like? We must be more specific with our expectations when we have small children. Speak real directions that are meaningful in their kid-mind.

2. Flowing from #1...do their things have a "home" where they belong? If you tell your child to "put away the Barbies" do they know where the Barbies are supposed to go? If not, you are making "clean up" very difficult for your child. When their toys have "homes" they are much more likely to be willing and able to put them away. This doesn't have to be some HGTV play room makeover where each bin is labeled and embroidered, it just has to be a system known to the child and taught (and followed) by Mom and Dad.

3. Which brings us to #3...work as a team, especially in the beginning. Everyone likes to be part of a team, to laugh and have fun makes the work go by faster! Rather than sending each family member to a separate room to clean/straighten up, why not move as a team from room to room? This also gives each member an opportunity to "serve" the others! Turn on some music and have fun! Working together gives Mom and Dad the chance to show how the work should be done, to offer tips and guidance, and just build relationship too! Too many times we just bark out orders when it would be much more effective and efficient to say "let's go clean up your room" or "let's get this kitchen cleaned up together--why don't we set the timer for 15 minutes and see if we can beat the clock!!" I believe that kids want to spend time with their parents, especially one on one, so take advantage of that and be productive too!

Carley's Kiss

May 2010

My dear friend Karen and her family came over last night to share all the details of their recent trip to Ethiopia to bring home sweet baby William (8 months old). I remember when I first met Karen (2 years ago) and she shared that they were starting their paperwork to adopt a child from Ethiopia and I thought "how nice for them" never dreaming that we would soon be in the same situation!! Isn't the Lord hilarious? We have walked this road together and held one another up in prayer. We were blessed to be at the airport when they got home two weeks ago. I told her I would give her a few days to rest but then I needed DETAILS!!! She shared their experience and had even taken notes on things she did not want me to forget to pack! What a blessing to hear their story and to hold William. He has the softest skin EVER! It made me feel closer to Evan just holding this baby who shares a story and a homeland with our son.

Just a thought:

I have never met an adoptive family who doesn't desire to go back and do it again. Interesting.

Feb 6 Baby Shower

On Saturday, February 6, three of my girlfriends got together and hosted a baby shower for Evan. It was a really nice party with beautiful invitations, delicious food, fun, adoption-related games, so many wonderful gifts, and, most of all, an awesome assortment of treasured friends!

Thank you Danielle for hosting the party at your house. Thanks to Angelia for designing, addressing and mailing all the invites! Thanks to Susan for her original, personalized games. And thanks to all three for the delicious food and thoughtfulness.

The funniest moment of the day was when I opened a package that included little boy underwear from Gymboree and exclaimed "are these panties??" and every mother-of-a-boy in the room shouted "NO--THEY ARE NOT PANTIES, THEY ARE UNDERWEAR!!" :) Yet, another vocabulary change for this mom of girls!

Our Family Prayer Jar

Colossians 4:2

²Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful.

My friend Jonda told me that her family had a "prayer jar" where they keep all the prayer requests they are aware of and they draw them out daily for prayer time. I loved the idea! So, at Christmas-time when I got "crafty" with the modge-podge for some other homemade gifts I made, I decided to make one for our family out of a leftover Miracle Whip jar! No one can say I'm not GREEN now! :) I used wrapping paper and modge podge to cover the jar, then just cut out magazine letters for the top, and finished it off with some ribbon! Not the most beautiful craft I've done, but one of my favorites when it comes to it's use! We use it at every meal. Carley (our youngest) prays at breakfast, Paige prays for lunch, and Morgan prays at dinner. They each get to draw out a prayer when it is their turn. I guess when Evan comes home we'll have to incorporate an afternoon snack!

Here's what I've found:

• The girls get SO excited about drawing--it's like winning the lottery!
• In turn, they are SO excited about prayer!
• They are learning to think of others needs and pray for these things at other times throughout the day as well.
• They are actively listening for peoples prayer requests so they can add them to our jar.
• Our family can "see" God working in these situations! As the prayers are answered we are putting them into an ANSWERED PRAYER envelope which I am planning to convert to some kind of foam board for Praise to the Lord!
• This opens up lots of good conversations about how God might choose to answer these prayers and we talk a lot about our motto "be a family of ACTION" to say "how might God want to use US to answer this prayer?". Instead of just praying for them, let's think about how we can be part of the answer!
• We no longer forget about the important needs of our friends and family.
• We are learning to be persistent in prayer

  
  

Family Motto 2010

A few years ago Rusty announced that our "Family Motto" was going to be "Reduce Clutter". I thought he was just joking around, but quickly found out he really meant it. We try to move every two years, so it makes sense not to keep a bunch of stuff around the house that we aren't using. So he and I made our rounds around the house a little bit at a time and "reduced clutter". We even got the girls in on the job and Morgan was relentless in her room! She was so proud of her pile of giveaways! It sure made this last move much easier!

Last year our family motto was "Be a Blessing" based on the John Waller song "Blessing for Life". This song talks about every day being a choice to be a blessing or a curse to those we come into contact with. We decided our family was going to choose to be a blessing as much as possible. So when we would drop the kids off in their Sunday School classes instead of saying the traditional parental phrase "be good!", we would whisper "be a blessing!" and they knew just what we were talking about because of "our song". We like anything that builds a team atmosphere in the home.

So, here we are in 2010, and we hadn't even thought of what God might have in store for us this year in the way of mottos...really it isn't ever anything we consciously think about, it just sort of "comes up" as we go along. After a great Sunday morning service as we discussed what we had learned, Rusty says "I want us to be a family of ACTION!" and we both knew--that's our theme for 2010. To be a family of ACTION! This fits perfectly with Evan coming home. We will ACTIVELY GO to Ethiopia and physically rescue him from his loneliness and bring him home forever. We want to DO the gospel rather than just read about it or talk about it! How about you? Are you a talker or a walker?

James 2:14-19

Faith and Deeds

¹⁴What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him? ¹⁵Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. ¹⁶If one of you says to him, "Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? ¹⁷In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.

¹⁸But someone will say, "You have faith; I have deeds."
Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do.

¹⁹You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder.

Evan Goes to Soccer!

Morgan was telling Mr. Keith today about her new soccer season and how her first game was on Daddy's birthday, April 10th. I suddenly realized---Evan will be at her first soccer game (most likely)!!! This makes it seem so real and so near! It's funny how we've gotten so caught up in "adoption" and the trip to Ethiopia that it is hard to imagine "real life" after the trip!

Why Adoption?

One of the big questions we are being asked these days is why we have chosen to adopt. Since we have 3 biological or “homegrown” daughters peoples reaction when they find out we are adopting is a little confused. In today’s culture I think they are confused about a few things:

1. Why do we want more than 3 children?

2. If we do, why don’t we just HAVE another child?

3. Why Ethiopia as opposed to domestic?

So when they ask “what made you decide to adopt?” it is really a loaded question with a lot of underlying possibilities. This is not a five minute answer and it is hard to know exactly how much they want to know. Let’s see if I can explain how God brought us to this place.

Some people say they have know all their lives that they wanted to adopt. That wasn’t me. I wanted to have 2 babies. The reason I wanted to have 2 babies is because that seemed “normal” to me and I just wanted to be normal until 11 years ago when the Lord burst onto the scene of my ordinary life!

See, I knew God the way I knew Elvis. I had heard of him, heard about him, seen photographs/artwork of him, heard of some of his music, even read a little bit about him. But I had never MET him or had a real conversation with him. I believed Elvis existed even though I had never seen him but he wasn’t having any effect on my life. Same with the Lord.

I didn’t know the Lord until I began reading His word--straight from the source and He began to turn my world upside down. He changed the way I thought about everything including my marriage and my future family. He continues to do this as we speak. And this is where this story starts.

When we brought our first daughter home from the hospital, I thought having a baby was hard. Not the pregnancy and delivery--I loved that!--but HAVING our first baby at home was a BIG transition. I was working and I know that contributed to my view of the challenge, but the change that occurs when you go from a couple to a family is profound in my opinion. I had to stop being selfish and self-centered and put someone else’s needs first.

So when my second daughter came along I thought the transition was much easier. Plus, by this time, God was doing great things in our lives. I had quit my job, we had downsized our home, and I was beginning to understand God’s purposes for me as a HOMEMAKER. I wanted another child and it surprised me. But I did.

In 2006 our third daughter was born and really and truly I told my girlfriends, “I think I’m finally getting my groove on with this motherhood thing!” For whatever reason, three felt like things were really starting to get good! So again, I was surprised--but I immediately wanted more! My motto became “the more the merrier!” Morgan and Paige knew what to do and were getting more and more self-sufficient and helpful. I had the time to train them and work with them now that I was home and we were a great team! Now I see Carley following right in their footsteps as she prepares to become a big sister too!

God showed me scriptures like:

Psalm 127:3

3Behold, children are a gift of the LORD,

The fruit of the womb is a reward.

And I began to think “why would I turn down a blessing from God?” And we were (and are) experiencing them as a blessing as we seek His guidance in parenting them. But in my mind, the only option for us was to BIRTH another child.

So one day in August of 2008 we walked in to church oblivious to the fact that God would open up our eyes to another option and start us on our journey to adopt on that very day.

God isn’t in a box, He works in creative ways, ways you and I don’t “naturally” think of or consider.

Isaiah 55:8-9

8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways my ways,"

declares the LORD.

9 "As the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts.

We saw in the bulletin these facts:

There are around 100 million orphans in the world today.

And 2.1 billion professing Christians,

Would Jesus have us ignore their cries?

Why are we not RESCUING these children?

And that word “RESCUE” was so powerful to me and rang over and over in my mind. NEVER had I thought of it as a RESCUE mission, NEVER had I pondered adoption as a Christian responsibility, NEVER had I seen those numbers and thought about how reasonable it was to literally WIPE OUT the orphan crisis just by Jesus followers obeying His command in

James 1:27

27Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

God appointed adoption as a means of rescuing orphans. He used it to rescue me and bring me into His family forever and ever. Because He adopted me and did not leave me as an orphan I have a hope, a future and an inheritance in Heaven! If you are a follower of Christ it is because God chose to adopt you! And He has been clear to me

Matthew 10:8b

8b Freely you have received, freely give.

And so this was the beginning. Rusty and I talked after the service and asked “what is God asking us to do?” We agreed to pray about it more.

Was this the way God wanted to grow our family?

When God wants to speak to me about something He comes at me from every angle and this was no exception. We began to see ADOPTION everywhere we looked.

We got an email from a ministry offering a book about adoption, so we ordered it and began to learn more and gain an understanding of the differences between domestic vs. international adoption.

Our pastor asked us to attend a conference called Together 4 Adoption and he had no idea we were considering adoption.

We attended a discussion group on adoption featuring 2 families who had adopted more than one child internationally and they spoke in depth of their experiences. At the close of the lecture the one father looked into the audience and encouraged us “Just do it. It isn’t as difficult or as expensive as people say. Just do it.”

With each of these experiences we were more and more convinced that this was the leading of the Lord for us. Now, rather than asking “should we do this?” we began to ask “why wouldn’t we do this?” Our daughter said it well, “we have a house, we have clothes, we have extra food, we should do it!”

And so we began to request free information from adoption agencies. We watched each agencies promotional DVD and cried with each one as we saw the faces of so many children without mothers and fathers. Then one day in December of 2008 Rusty came home and announced “enough research, enough discussion, tonight we are going to choose an agency and fill out an application!” And so we did. We sat down with all the info and made a list of a few things that were important to us, compared our list with each agency and made a decision. This was also the night we officially chose Ethiopia. Rus had been leaning toward Ethiopia the whole time mainly because this was the country with the greatest need. But it also met some of our other practical needs as well (length of stay in country, a finalized adoption prior to travel…etc.). We filled out an online application that night. And so the journey began.

One of the other special things God did during this time was to connect me with a friend who does Bible Study with me on Wednesday mornings. Someone put us together because we were both home school moms and she told me her family was adopting from Ethiopia. At that time, this was not even on our radar, so my thought was “how neat for them!” Well the next year when we returned for a new year of Bible Study and I saw Karen; God reminded me of that conversation and I immediately ran to her to share that we TOO were going to adopt from Ethiopia! This was the year we were studying the life of Moses. During that first lecture our teaching leader talked about how Moses was “adopted” into the pharaohs family and that it was all part of God’s plan for his life. This family would offer him education and experiences that he would need for the purposes God had for his future. I had never thought of Moses as “adopted” before? I am constantly amazed at how God can and does speak directly to me through His word even when it would seem impossible! And how God is working ahead of time, preparing the way for us. He knew we were going to adopt long before we did and he purposed Karen and I’s friendship in full knowledge of what was to come.

And that’s not all! (infomercial voice) I later discovered that God had sovereignly placed me in a discussion group with 4 other adoptive moms! Two had adopted domestic, one had adopted international, and one had done a snowflake adoption! Unbelievable!

What a mighty God we serve!

But before God could lead our family into adoption He had to change our hearts about family in general. Leading me to quit my job in pharmaceutical sales, sell our dream home and scale down, and lead my husband on a path to start his own business! This was no small thing! It was a lot of change! Our ways of thinking and attitudes had to change. I had to learn to find value and purpose in my home, in being a wife and mother rather than bringing home a paycheck, dressing up, and having intelligent conversations with doctors. (At least their end was intelligent J)

But this is one of the greatest things about walking with God. He never twists our arm or drags us kicking and screaming to places we don’t want to go. Did you know that? If you are just beginning to walk with God or maybe even investigating Christianity for the first time I think it is natural to wonder “will God make me ____” (fill in the blank)? I remember thinking that if I gave me life to the Lord He might make me go to Africa and be a missionary and that didn’t sound good at all to me at that time. That was only one of my many fears of what He might require of me. Now that I have walked with him for 11 years I am pleased to report that He doesn’t work like that at all. He doesn’t force us to obey Him any more after our new birth than He did before. What I mean is, God doesn’t FORCE people to be saved. If He did, everyone would be a born-again Christian because the Bible says clearly “He doesn’t want any to perish”. We have free choice. So God is always good to change our hearts and minds, to bring us into agreement with Him, into His way of thinking about a matter until we WANT to do it as much as He wants us to do it!

I have said before how I thought home schooling was crazy when I first heard about it! But this was what God wanted for our family so He was patient and continued to teach me more about it, introduce me to HS families I could relate to, and show me the benefits. Then I came to a point where I said “ok, I’ll do it for YOU and for the kids”. But God doesn’t want His children moping around in obedience like a child told to clean their room “OOOOKKKKKK”. No! He wants us rejoicing in obedience!! Now, I can honestly say that I praise God each and every day for the PRIVELEGE to home school my children! He took what I thought was nuts and moved me to a place where it is one of my greatest gifts!

What an awesome God we serve!

This is how He handled adoption for us too. Though I have to say, I am much less resistant now that I have seen and experienced what obedience is like. It didn’t take nearly as long to change our hearts for adoption as it did to home school.

But we all have fears about the unknown. Whatever it is that God is leading you into today, don’t hesitate to pour out all of your questions, fears, and misgivings to Him. He is the one with the answers. And though He may not give them all to you, He will offer you the courage and faith to trust His plan. And you will receive the blessings that follow obedience! I can say that with certainty!

So if you think that God is trying to take away all your fun and turn you into a weirdo like me---you’d be surprised how much fun it is!!

Winter Fun

We don't get much snow in KY, so when it does snow, it is BIG FUN! The girls have been out every day pulling each other around in the sled, chasing Cooper, and "shoveling"!

Another fun project...

One of our other favorites this Christmas was the cards I had made out of family photos. The girls love to play "Go Fish" and "Concentration" so I had doubles made of photos of friends, family and important events so they could "match" them. I designed a back for the cards and took them to Office Max to be laminated. It's a little pricey but the kids think it is great to ask "do you have Ma Maw?" or "do you have Morgan's 9th Birthday Party?" It is a great way to familiarize the kids with people who are important to you but you don't get to see very often. I know my girls will feel more comfortable around these special people after looking at the pictures and "playing" with them every day! It has also been good to talk about who is married to who and quiz the girls on "who is her Mommy/Daddy/Brother/Sister?"...etc. So make sure you have your camera handy and start snapping some individual shots of your peeps!

Our Puzzle Project

I bought this puzzle the end of November as a way to keep the family busy while we wait. It is a farm scene called "Daddy's Little Helper" that will go with Evan's "Barn Dance" theme room. I thought I would modge podge it and frame it on the wall. Well, my resolve didn't last long on this project and neither did the girls! Who knew how many pieces 1,000 was??? The most memorable moment was when Rus spent an hour putting the tractor together only to find Carley hovered over it later saying "Daddy look how much I helped!" (she had taken it completely apart and even seperated the pieces!!) Anyway, Rusty stuck with it to the end only to find one piece missing! This really isn't terribly surprising considering Carley's "help" and all the other chaos in the house. He was so disappointed until our good friend pointed out the clear significance. Our family is missing a piece right now as well. He suggested we actually highlight the missing piece by painting under it a bright yellow or orange and continue with the plan to frame and hang it along with a note that explains that our family is incomplete until Evan comes home. So cool.